Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
