I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
