i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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