So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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