Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
