Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got inside last night via doggy door
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
