I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
