Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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