Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
