Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
