i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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