Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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