He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
