Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
