So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
