So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
