Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
