I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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