oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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