textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
