i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
People in love make me want to vomit
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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