Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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