I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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