I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
