the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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