Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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