So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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