What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
