I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
