One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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