saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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