so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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