Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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