the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
