tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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