can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
