So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
