I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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