I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
