Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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