So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
