I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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