i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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