I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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