Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
