She said her name was "party"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
