just tell him i said nine months
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
