I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
