One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
