You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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