I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
