Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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