Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
