Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
