well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
