They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
