My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
