Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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