You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
