Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
