If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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