My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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