Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
